naturalistic observation
by Ghoster.Z
Summary: He was only reading Tsuande his observations on his fellow shinobi, even if it did include his bedding of her prized apprentice -GaaSaku-


**Naturalistic Observation**

**-Ghoster. Z**

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_Natural observation: _is a type of study classified under the broader catagory of field studies; nonexperimental approaches used in the field or in real-life settings. In the naturalistic observation method the researcher very carefully observes and records some behavior or phenomenon, sometimes over a prolonged period, in its natural setting

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Tsunade looked up from the beige folder she was currently reading and met the eyes of a stoic looking sand nin. The corners of her lips curled as he clutched a crumbled looking notepad in-between his crossed arms. She set the folder down and interlocked her fingers and rested her chin on top. She beckoned for him to come closer.

She could have sworn he growled, but chose to ignore him. Taking out her personal favorite sake bottled, she bit the cork and spat it out as she dropped her feet on top of the table. She wanted to get real comfortable for this. It wasn't every day you get to send out a sand nin for a leaf shinobi's job. Especially one as entertaining as this one.

"Well, let's hear it."

He stopped about two feet away from her desk and sent her an evil glare. But she merely laughed it off as she took a sip of her drink. He uncrossed his arms and flipped open the notepad to the first page. Immediately she saw all the messy hand writings and chicken scratch. This kid did _not_ know how to write. Perhaps he was in a hurry to write everything down, perhaps he got caught.

Either way, he was going to have to spill out everything and she had all day to hear it.

Gaara cleared his throat; this was going to be a very long day. He took a deep breath and started to read:

_Sitting up on the roof of the sacred Kikyo temple, I had the perfect view of the entire leaf village. No one would be able to see or bother me. I enjoy being alone, especially when I just wanted to keep to myself. But at this moment, I am not particularly happy, because I had the utter misfortune to be assigned the most useless and not to mention pointless of task. _

He continued reading even as the Hokage sent him a dirty look.

_Of all people, the Hokage just had to pick me. The ice cube with the attention span of a three year old, the walking social retard who hates talking to other people because of my paranoia, the psychotic killer who could get away with murder and no one would say anything about it. She had actually asked me of all people. Sure, it was pretty understandable why, but that still didn't mean I had to like it._

_Alliance my ass, that drunk blonde just wants to piss me off and push my buttons. Just because Suna and Konoha were getting along now doesn't mean she can take advantage of the shinobis. Obviously, she didn't quite get the part where I killed people and haven't got an ounce of emotion inside me. Temari would most likely do a better job than me at this; she was defiantly a people person. Hell, even Kankuro had more friends than I ever hoped to have. _

"How long are you going to go on about your mope story? I asked you to obverse people, not give me a biography about your life."

He scoffed at her, "You told me to give you my thoughts and reasons before I began. I'm only following your orders."

"Don't get smart with me; just get on with it already."

_Perhaps it's my skills at stalking-cough-spying that qualified me for this stupid job, but still it didn't help the situation one bit. I find this expedition irrelevant to anything. Watching people act like they normally would do is nothing special nor will it help our villages in anyways. Sometimes I wonder if The Hokage likes to just spy on people. This was going to be such a drag; I could already see myself staring off into space from pure boredom._

He flipped a page and took another mouthful of air.

_11:08 am_

_Naruto is loud and annoying as usual. He's wearing his signature orange jacket and it is ugly as usual. He is shouting something about training with ero-sensei later that afternoon and wants to eat before he goes. As he rushes to Ichiraku, he is being followed by…that white eyed girl with the purple hair. Her face is red and she is smiling while sitting next to him. How she can put up with that idiot is beyond me, he doesn't seem to know what the concept of volume control is. It is 11:30 am and the Hokage-wannabe has just finished three bowls of ramen while the girl is still finishing her first._

_After they are done eating, he hugs her good bye and she faints. He spends another five minutes reviving her as they laugh it off as some stupid joke. She stutters a lot, a very annoying thing, and waves good bye as he leaves. She places a hand over her heart, and whispers his name before heading off in an opposite direction. Girl needs to grow a back bone and stop being so shy around Naruto. Everyone knows she likes him._

Tsunade rubbed the bridge of her nose, "Her name is Hyuga Hinata."

"So?"

"So it would do you good, not to mention respectful, if you _actually remember_ the names of your fellow shinobi!"

He shrugged, causing the blonde woman's left eye to twitch, "It's not as if I'm ever going to talk to her."

"You know what? Just get on with the report."

His jade eyes quickly scanned the page, trying to find the spot where he left off and continued.

_12: 19 pm_

_I shudder as I see my next two subjects. The blonde bimbo or so Temari likes to call her, is sitting with a fat man in a restaurant. She is being overly dramatic and flailing her arms around. I can even hear her voice from the top of the temple. It's _that_ loud. If I were a better person, I would pity the man. He must have some serious balls to be able to put up with that banshee. I have heard from Temari that the fat man and the crazy blonde are now dating, much to her glee. Because she now as that lazy man…_(bunch of scribbles) _Shikamaru all to herself._

_While he is happily munching away, eating everything in sight, the blonde continues to yell. She is talking about…a wedding? Her wedding, I assume, and what her expectations are. They are ridiculously high and I feel worse for his wallet than himself. Speaking of the fat man, he is still eating. Beef and chicken, munching away like there is no tomorrow. He likes to eat, no duh, or else he wouldn't be so fat. That woman should eat too; she looks terribly malnourished, almost anorexic. The maid stopped by and it seems he's ordering another round. I wouldn't be surprised if he died of too much cholesterol._

Tsunade took another long sip of her drink, at first she was chuckling, but she quickly silenced herself and glared daggers at him. The man just loved being so blunt and insulting too.

"First of all, their names are Yamanaka Ino and Akimichi Choji. Not dumb blonde or fat man! Do you just enjoy pissing people off? I said observe, not criticize!"

"Same thing."

"Excuse me?"

"Do you know who you are talking to?"

She rolled her eyes and took out another bottle, waving with her hand for him to continue.

_12:56 pm_

_Rock Lee is training with that girl Temari viciously beat up at the chuunin exams. They both look exactly the same, only taller. Lee still annoys me with his stupid 'youth' ramble and the brunette girl laughs at him. She blushes every time he throws a compliment her way, it is rather odd. They go at each other for a while, the weapon expert against the taijutsu master. It seems pretty epic, because it looks more like a real fight than a simple spar. Lee's speed as gotten better, he's almost a blur to my eyes and the girl seems to always have a kunai or shuriken hidden somewhere in her sleeves or pockets. It's as though she's a vending machine that just won't run out._

_After about another hour, they finally stop and call it a draw. Though it seemed to me Lee was winning. As they sit side by side against a tree, under its shade, they seem to growing more intimate with each other. She leans her head against his shoulder and he timidly wraps her arm around hers. I can't hear what they are saying, but it must be funny because she is laughing and blushing wildly. As he turns his head away, she plants a kiss on his cheek and his face turns bright red. It seems his childhood _(more like childish)_ crush for Haruno Sakura has died away. Which is good because I cannot stand competition._

Tsunade stopped drinking midway, "What was that last bit?"

He flipped the page, choosing to ignore her instead.

_2: 13 pm_

_I caught the legendary sannin Jiraiya peeping in the girl's bathroom and locker room. He is a shameless pervert and a disgusting hermit who enjoys exploiting women. He takes pictures of naked women and writes in his very own notepad of some observations he sees. I feel a little bit like him since I too am spying…watching, no, observing? People as well. However, this is a scientific mission and what he is doing is just atrocious. It still amazes me how Naruto can train under this pervert and still be clueless when it comes to the opposite sex. Even I am _far_ more skilled and knowledgably than him._

"I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that part."

_Jiraiya leaves the bath house and heads somewhere else. Meanwhile, hitting on any female with a large chest and a huge ass. According to him at least, I would never label a woman so vulgar. I prefer to compliment her looks in a respectful manner, like saying how soft her pink hair is or how her emerald eyes are incomparable. Despite being a powerful man, he is also a leech, I can tell already. Someone should keep an eye on him before he hits on the wrong girl. Consequences could be dire._

_3:00 pm_

_Hatake Kakashi is reading that odd orange book again, sitting on top of the Hokage mountain/statue thing. Rock Lee's teacher _(It's rather strange how they both resemble each other)_ is running laps around the village. He is at his three hundred and forty-nine. I think he lost a bet, because that's what he keeps mumbling, not to mention the curses he's throwing at Kakashi._

_I see Sakura walking out of a grocery store, looking ravishing _–cough- _as usual and the stupid mutt tailing her. He keeps trying to ask her out of a date, and even though she kindly refuses, he keeps insisting. And it if it wasn't for the fact that Suna and Konoha are at peace, I'd have sand coffined his ass. _

"Hey! That mutt happens to be Inuzuka Kiba!"

_3: 40 pm_

_What is it with Konoha men? Are they so blinded by lust that they cannot take a hint when they want a woman to leave them alone? I have found out that Sakura is on her lunch break, and though she is trying to enjoy her meal, five men have already tried to ask her out on a date._

She noticed the way his hands tightened around the notepad, but chose to remain quite.

_First there was dog boy, then bug man, these two ugly jonins _(I believe Sakura called them Izumo and Kotetsu)_, a chuunin for crying out loud, and even Hyuga Neji stopped by to sit with her. She seemed to enjoy his company the most because she laughs at what he says and smiles continuously. Sometimes she'll blush and shake her head so he won't be able to see. It's annoying me actually; I don't think I can stand to watch it any longer. By the time I'm done making my observations, they've already stood up and he's walking her back to the hospital._

Tsunade smirked, "Why Gaara, I do believe someone is jealous."

He sends a hard glance her way, but flips a page.

_4:20 pm_

_Kankuro is making out with a light brown haired girl and Temari is on another date with Shikamaru. As people are getting out of work or coming home from missions, the streets of Konoha begin to light up. A crowd is growing and everyone is ready to either go home or go out. Naruto is back from his training and he shouts to the entire world, as usual, that he's hungry and invites the white-Hinata out. He heads for the same Ichiraku bar, no surprise there, and orders the same dish he had earlier. _

_Kakashi is talking to a woman with purple hair, I believe her name is Ankid…Ankruel…_

"Anko!"

_Yes, Anko, he is talking to her, more like failing at trying to flirt. He's too blunt and too serious. Even I do a better job at it than it. It's embarrassing, because whilst he is trying to ask her out, I can see in her eyes that she is only humoring him. Though I know when someone is interested or not, and trust me, she is interested. The ANBU interrogation office with those hideous scars on his face is with his wife and they head into a quite restaurant. It's amusing to know that _he _could actually find a woman who could stand to look at his ugliness and sleep in the same bed._

"Watch your mouth!"

_5:00 pm_

_That Mutt is taking an evening jog with his dog, they disappear into the forest and I lose sight. Lee and his girl head out of the training ground and decide to go out for dinner. A man, I presume a teacher, with a scar running across his nose, walks out of the ninja academy followed by a group of enthusiastic children. They are all talking at once and it's giving me a headache. Yet he is able to withstand the noise. I'm not particularly fond of children._

"No kidding."

_The Hyuga bastard heads into the Hokage tower, followed by a group of ANBU. I hope whatever mission he's assigned on is long and takes ten years to complete. Kankuro is seen with a different girl this time, a woman with blood red hair. He's hitting on her, trying to pull a move, but she isn't buying it. She merely looks at her nails with a bored expression and pretends he's not there. It makes him try even harder because now his body is closer to her and she glances up at him. She's bothered by his presence. She proceeds to tell him she's in ANBU and isn't afraid to rip his testicles out if need be, but he thinks she's joking._

_Suddenly a man with platinum blonde hair shows up and nearly attacks my idiot brother. He's the woman's husband and they walk away together. Kankuro is trying to ease his bruised ego and walks away with slump shoulders. It is rather depressing to know that I am related to such a pitiful and pathetic creature. _

_7:45 pm_

_The man who wears shades at night and is obsessed with bugs is hanging upside in a tree, petting a giant beetle and speaking to it as if it could understand him. What a freak. Someone should find this persons some help, fast. Even _I'm _not that weird._

_8:37 pm_

_Ino is dragging her boyfriend into a loud and colorful club, he doesn't want to go, but she insists and pulls him in. As I mentioned earlier, if I were a better person, I'd give him my sympathies. By now, I hear strange noises coming from the east side and I go and investigate. It is coming from an apartment complex. The window is open and I see a flicker of light. Though I do not want to, I move a little closer. Standing on the edge of the roof, I summon my third eye and send it inside the room. It is Kakashi and Anko, they are-_

"You don't need to finish that last part!"

"Fine then."

"How long are your reports?"

Gaara flipped through a couple more pages, "About four more pages."

"Just skip to the last one; I don't have that much time."

Suddenly, the edges of his lips curl into a sinister smirk, "As you wish."

_11:23 pm_

_I have cornered Sakura in her room and proceed to attack her neck with my tongue. Her hands tangle themselves in my hair and tugs at it earnestly. I lift her up and push her against the wall as she wraps her toned legs around my waist. As she pants into my ear and begs me to take her clothes off with my teeth, I push my arousal against the inside of her milky thighs. She's wearing her medical outfit, a white skirt and a red top, she knows it is my _favorite_ but she still wears it. I know she enjoys the feelings of my touch and callous hands on her body, I can see it in her eyes and hear it in her hoarse breathing. Watching her close her eyes and whisper my name sensually is more than enough to get me high._

_As I throw her on top of the bed and proceed to rip her blouse off and attack her breasts, she arches beautifully into me and helps take my shirt off. Her perfect, medical hands roam my chest as I shiver in anticipation…_

(At this point, Tsunade is so shock her mouth is hanging open and she can't even bring herself to make him stop. He of course is oblivious and continues reading)

…_She smiles at me, like a cat does when they've got what they wanted and wraps her arm around my neck. I slam against her lips in a heated passion and ravage her mouth, claiming every inch of it as mine. Meanwhile, our hands are busy trying to take each other's pants off. Before we even know it, we're both naked and she is rubbing her harden nipples against me. She mewls into my ear and moans loudly as I touch her heated core. She's wet and ready for me. I angel myself over her and thrust into-_

"Gaara!"

Both heads turn to see a very embarrassed looking Sakura standing in the middle of the door way. Her face is flushed and her hand on the door knob is shaking. Binders and papers she was carrying lay scattered and forgotten on the floor.

"Afternoon Sakura, I was merely reading to the Hokage about my observations from yesterday." He said it so nonchalantly, she almost burst out laughing.

"Observations?" She could barely control her anger,

"Yes, you see, the Hokage assigned me on observation duty, where I stake out in a hidden area and catalogue in detailed information about the daily life of a shinobi."

Sakura's hardened eyes turned to her teacher, "Tsunade-shishou…"

Said women took another drink and averted her eyes, "Wow…"

"Would you like me to continue-"

"No!"

Tsunade grabbed the notepad out of Gaara's hand and immediately kicked the both of them out of her office. Sakura turned to her secret, well not to secret anymore, lover and placed her hands on her hips.

"You wrote down us having _sex_?"

He shrugged, "It was part of the job."

"I'm going to kill you…"

"You're wearing that nurse outfit."

She looked down and back up at him, "Yeah, so?"

"Would you like to help me conduct more observations?"

"What? No, I have work-"

But he was already dragging her along as they headed towards the roof of the Kikyo Temple. As he had mentioned earlier, the perfect spot where no one will see or bother him.

**Fin**

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I don't care if Gaara normally doesn't talk that much, he does in this one! It's CRACK hahahaha

Based off what I learned in school. In my AP psychology class, we had this experiment where we did natural observation. My boyfriend and I have the same class so we went to the San Diego zoo to look at the animals, easy A. But what I didn't know was that my boyfriend decided to observe the people, not the animals! So as I was looking through his paper, my name happened to be there and a detailed description of how I get a bit obsessive with being a perfectionist. Yeah well…at least _I'm _the one who got the A+ !!

**R & R thanks!! **


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